It is simply lovely, and one of the reasons I wanted a new journal was to start new.
I have been trying new methods of mindfulness, because you know…. It’s so easy to lose faith in everything you tried so hard to build from the ground up.
But, something I realize while doing new things this much (therapy,exposure):
Change is good.
If we remain the same, how do we dare to ask for hope?
There is never hope, if we are stagnant.
I lived a life thinking there was nothing more to my existence than just being burnt out, and praying for my struggle to get better. All I did was spiral, and felt negative thoughts. I know people speak about toxic positivity. Yet, the context of that is simply “Seek positivity, but do not delude yourself in only positivity.”
Because to be human, is to feel all emotions.
You can be anyone who you want, even with limitations which are commonly present in mental health’s communities. It’s so easily to lose hope after all, the way we feel—But, we do have free will. All it takes is to just put one foot forward, and seek out that hope;because, hope will bring us somewhere. Whether, to a doctor, therapist, or maybe we finally land that job!
I currently hope. And is that so wrong to just do that?
I use to just lay in my bed crying myself to sleep, thinking I will never amount to anything.
Or, I will never do what other people do, because of anxiety? Sensory? But, I would be darned if I didn’t try at least! I enjoy films of heroics, like Lord of the rings but do not feel inspired by them? Couldn’t I, like a mere Hobbit be capable of bigger things too? Silly I know, but it’s something! I always believed media such as that weren’t simply made to just be enjoyed, but to be inspired as well.
So I reaffirm myself, change is good.
Even if it meant losing my job. Maybe its life’s way of making me remember
“You are more than your thoughts, how you feel.”
Health, mental health, body, mind, spirit… yeah you name it.
Lots of people in this world, endure such things with themselves….
I shouldn’t have forgotten my inner strength. Gotta keep moving, and believing whatever is meant for me is waiting for me. Unraveling, I just need to believe in it. Placing my own effort into the universe, not deny its presence.