I feel like my entire life has always been a series of "Silent Screams", and no matter what you do you will always be alone.
One of the main issues in my household has always been accountability, and one of the things that my parents tell me (or my father) is that there is no such thing as accountability in the real world. If that is the case, do we simply run around with rudeness amongst each other with no consequences?
The answer is yes.
To him, we hurt each other then we carry on the next day, like clockwork. This is what he is used to, and this is what he enables. I often wonder if this is the result of his own upbringing, because I know he was in the foster system for a long time. So, sadly to him things will happen, and you are expected to get over it the next day. But at what cost?
Both my parents have their strife in life as well as their past traumas. It does cost them, and it cost them everything.
I know my family isn't perfect.
But, I always feel so alienated around them. The only person I actually can have a understanding with is my little sister Franny.
But in some ways we are all reactive in this house.
As such, I don't want to get involved with their petty dramas, or snap backs. To me, I just rather walk away and mind my business. Keep quiet. I swore I was never going to let myself shed another tear in this household, its just not worth it.
I am tired of people dictating how I should react to others, or how I should be just because their needs are not met. Because best believe whenever I needed someone to be something for me, I just get shut out or told if I am looking for such things that I needed to look elsewhere. So its speaking volumes to me, exactly what I need to do, and what kind of people to avoid.
You cannot grow when you have emotionally unavailable people in your life.