I think commonly when it comes to neurodivergence, there are delayed responses.
For example, things like sarcasm can be personal, and I won’t register as an offense but mostly a type of….”What are you doing, and why would you even say it like that?”
I take things quite literal. Let’s talk about it.
I never understood why people felt they had to be sarcastic to begin with. Sarcasm, is the intent of being funny, yet mean. In most societal structures such as in a group of friends that can often be the norm behavior. Yet, to us neurodivergent folk, there is just no sense in understanding it.
Actual mean behavior also goes right past me, because yes I can see a person is being mean. But also, I forget about it, and it doesn’t become a part of my processing. Lots of people in my circle, felt perhaps I was just too nice. But the truth is, I don’t even feel the tone, unless its a direct response to me personally.
Being adult, is often difficult because people disguise animosity in different ways. I wouldn’t be able to pick it up, unless it was a direct assault. Of course, naturally I would be able to pick up that a person is being awful-I’d just have a tendency to let it slide, because unless someone addressed me personally, then I won’t care about it. However, I learned I must curate my circles a lot better, because otherwise I am letting myself be involved with bullies or so they call them. Not sure what else to call them, you know… people with ill intent, or is just plain mean.
Ah flirting, you know its strange to me in general how far I came. Lots of people would flirt with me, when I was dating and it would not register. I think people are just nice in general, however more sexual compliments or flirting I would always end up politely thanking a person for the compliment.
Dirty jokes, I just pause and wait for the pun to be finished. Because it sort of felt like a person would interrupt my conversation with a dirty joke. For example, I am vitamin deficient, and boy have I ever heard the on running gag “I can give you vitamin d”. And, naturally I wouldn’t understand what their real intention behind that statement was, other than “Sure! The brand I take is Vitafusion 2,000 IU’s. Although I am considering going up 3,000 IU’s!” I would continue to tell a story, about my preferred flavors, and I would leave the responder to my conversation to face palm in utter disappointment that I did not get the pun. Part of me did know the pun, but I wasn’t asking for that so why bring it up at all? RIGHT, because it was a joke and I am suppose to laugh? Yeah, that’s what makes me weird I suppose.
But that is just an example, of how I come by in this world when it comes to literal meanings.
I also struggle with conversations where if someone was asking or prompting things like if I want to go to the mall with them. But they wouldn’t directly ask me, just say “We should go to the mall sometime.” And I would immediately, nod and smile just taking that prompt as a maybe. Whenever a friend asks me, “Want to go to the mall?” I am more successful answering, because they are indeed directly asking me if I want to go. Worse scenarios is asking me what I want, by asking “Do you want me to pick up some food for you?” Many people would say its me just being humble, but I don’t think its that because I very much so want some food. But there is that gap of “Can you get me some food?” Or “Will it be an issue?” Even “ Do you want to get me some food?” It’s not a question if I want you to get me some food, but if you can get me some food. I know its complicated, but I am getting better at understanding the questions without fussing over the smaller details. Most of the time I am asked, “I can get you some food, it’s not a problem.” And then I am safely assured this is my window to give feedback as to what I’d like. I like to have a sense of a safe space for requesting things.
All of these examples, are just personal things in my mind that threads through this cycle of life. I don’t expect anyone to tread softly around me, because I am just a person just like everyone else. Or so I like to believe. I just struggle to comprehend social cues time to time.
I think I just need to, or like to acquire safety.