You know the most wildest thing that happened in my life, is when my former best friend ghosted me, but not just ghosted me—closed her entire social media accounts, not respond to my text messages, or email. At that point, I sent one last fare well. There was nothing bad between us, she just had a possessive fiancΓ©. It has been two years since that happened, and she was a local friend that I had where I did everything with her. A part of me, felt like I lost those things that were special. Lots of people were special to me, but I also realize….
A prime example, of “Let them go.”
Perhaps, not impulsively, but to grieve. At times, I come across as a bold person to others because I have truly been there—completely and utterly been there. Yet no one would ever guess this about me, as I’m too preoccupied with projecting the image of being a naturally sociable creature.
For much of my life, I was a people pleaser—not just someone who reluctantly agreed to plans they didn’t want, but the kind who let others control my emotions. If someone was distant, I felt frozen. If they were harsh, I spent hours questioning what I did wrong. I was the doormat, the emotional sponge, the friend constantly asking, “How can I improve?” even when I was the one being mistreated.
It didn’t matter if someone was gaslighting me, tearing me down, or mocking the things I cared about—I’d still bend over backwards trying to win their approval. And the worst part? All I did was speak up. All I did was say, “This hurts.” Yet somehow, that made me the villain.
Later in life, I realized something that cracked the sky open:
Being a good friend doesn’t mean abandoning yourself.
It doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings to avoid conflict. It doesn’t mean allowing someone else to define your worth. I’ve realized that boundaries aren’t punishments—they’re essential. Speaking up isn’t harsh—it’s honest. And love without respect is just manipulation wrapped up in a nice package.
Now, I no longer apologize for existing. I refuse to shrink myself to fit someone else’s comfort zone or chase after those who make me feel small. I honor my voice, even when it trembles, and I protect my peace, even when it’s not convenient. I’ve realized that the right people don’t shy away from your truth—they lean in and embrace it.
”Everyone wants me to be their friend, but no one wants to be mine.”
So if you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like you were “too much” or “too sensitive” or “too honest,” let me say this: You’re not. You’re just finally refusing to be less.
Cultivating My Garden: How Boundaries Bloomed My Social Life
Once I started honoring my spaces—my emotional landscape, my boundaries, my truth—something magical happened.
My social spaces began to flourish. Not just improve, but bloom. Conversations felt like gardens, and the people in my life? They became the most beautiful flowers. I could ask someone about our bond without them getting defensive. I could ask about something they wrote without triggering ego or tension. There was room for curiosity, for honesty, for growth.
Everyone in my life now feels as assuring as the sky is blue. And I thrive in those kinds of bonds—ones rooted in mutual respect, not silent resentment.
But here’s the truth: that kind of peace doesn’t just arrive. You have to cultivate it.
You have to do the work. You have to take accountability for how you’re steering your metaphorical ship. If you’re letting others dictate your moods, your worth, your sense of self—STOP THAT.
Reflect.
Pause.
Reflect more.
Repeat to yourself:
“I am worthy. I am deserving of love.”
Say it until it’s not just a mantra—it’s a belief. Say it until your spine straightens and your heart softens. Because once you truly believe that about yourself, you’ll stop being a pawn to other people’s whims. You’ll stop shrinking to fit someone else’s comfort zone.
Nothing is perfect. I am not perfect. I still struggle with RSD issues, but I always take time to reflect, to pause, and then I am okay. You never stop growing, you got to stay on the path. Otherwise, you will wither away back to old soil. Keep pouring devotion into yourself. You’ll grieve, and you’ll fall into old emotions of how you felt before. But one thing is ever so certain: You have what it takes to try again. It just takes one action: To get up, dust yourself off, and CREATE boundaries.
Not in the sense, where you cage yourself off from the world. That's isolation.
But when you ARE ready for some magical growth, a boundary simply means:
- Communicate what kind of bond you are looking for, and if it is mutual.
- Address conflict. Create a plan, offer what both people can do.
- If a bond is outgrowing each other, address it. Do not hold onto people because you think it will fix itself. Sometimes, communication goes a long way, “Hey I noticed you haven’t been around, everything okay?”
- Let go of people that are not communicating with you. People that have become committed, to antagonizing you instead of working TOGETHER.
- Eliminate any possibility, of feeling bad for other people that you need to let go. Remember, they hurt YOU.
- Holding onto people does not mean you have a good heart, it means you are being a people pleaser. It is not helping you. It will alter your brain, lowering your perspective of yourself.
- Say “No thank you” to things you are not interested in. Do not do things, because you think it will please the others. You can politely entertain the idea, but do not pretend to like something just to fit in. Because then, its on you, for not speaking up.
I am sure there are more situations, but these are some that I had struggled with personally.
You see boundaries, is both wonderful for yourself, and for others. Mostly, for yourself. Because by having boundaries, you will eliminate the habit of wearing this mask just to fit in with others.
You’ll start blooming. I believe in you.