Topic: Depression, and the effects of it.
Mood: Solemn.
Will it let me go, already?
I feel like depression is taking over. I’ve never felt it this way before. In my twenties, it was more about sadness and longing, but now, in my late thirties, it feels chaotic, with physical aches and inner turmoil.
You literally feel it.
It's more than just sadness; it's an emotion you can feel deeply, even physically. My whole body feels stiff, and I can't stand it. My upper back is the worst—it aches, feels so tight, like it's pulling me apart from behind. I've heard that stress often gets stored here, and I guess I'm one of those people. Sometimes my arm aches too, like when you've been lying on it for too long.
It's the sensation of drowning, as though everyone is watching you fight to stay afloat doing nothing to help. It's like you can sense their thoughts, assuming they see you as just another person struggling to keep going in this world. I spiral deeper, thinking I don't matter, that I'm without value, overlooked, and just done with it all. All you ever wanted was for someone to see you as a person, not as some kind of burden.
It feels like it comes in stages—the way it settles into your body and how your mind starts to spiral downward along with it.
No one hears your screams or your pleas. It is just pure torture. I grew numb to myself.