Iron tales

 And I wished it was actually a story of clad iron tales, but alas its iron regarding blood work ( hah )!

I have been iron deficient for far too long, and its a battle uphill to improve those numbers to get to optimal. Last blood work I received, I was on the "tip" of normal. I would like to push further than the tip of normal, and hang out in the  middle green bar. What I do know that works:

• Vitamin C paired with any Iron consumption.
• Spinach! Cooked is best.
• Pinto beans, with spinach or...
• KALE! ( cooked )
• Vitamin C binders: Apple Juice, Oranges, Power C ( vitamin water ). 
• Malt o Meal.
• Fortified granola bars: Nutrigrain bar, Natures Bakery, Special K etc.
• Lean beef.

As long as you consume any type of food with iron, you got to chase it with vitamin c to carry it out into action. 

    Now I was doing all that but I feel like its exhausting to always eat my iron, because of the availability in your house. Sometimes in life your just short of food, due to inflation or other reasons. So I am throwing in the towel, and decided I really want to supplement iron. 

These caught my eye! I am going to use the Cherry one, my sister April offered to purchase these for me.

According to the reviews, they improved peoples blood work levels, and they were anemic straight up taking blood infusions. So if it worked for them, I could imagine it would work for me! One could hope. 

It is just amazing how there are different protocols in order for iron to be absorbed, for example:

You must not take iron with dairy. You must wait at least one hour before consuming any type of dairy, after iron consumption. Otherwise, your efforts into taking iron through food or supplement goes down the drain.

Its a stressful process, but once you get the hang of it-you will be a natural at climbing those steps to wellness.

There are a lot of blurred opinions or "takes", in the world of health. 

But matter is what is working for you, and you must advocate for yourself.

How many times I was told to drink dairy milk, but I didn't really need dairy milk. You see, I do just fine working with Planet Oat's: Oat milk. It is fortified with vitamin d, which is another vitamin I am deficient in. I also grew a custom to taking Lactaid because it was the only thing available in the house. It didn't make a difference to me what milk I taken, but it was a viable option for me to take non-dairy milk in the morning with my cereal since its when I take my supplements.

Which I had mention, dairy does interfere with iron absorption.

But you know, talking about your wellness or what you do as a routine you will get the naysayers.

"You will be fine!" or down play the things you consume. Because people normalize the things they do, which is to say: Just respect people. And often we forget other people are not the same, and we project what works for us onto others. Its arrogance, honestly. To think, we must all adhere to what everyone else is doing. 

I think that is why I often feel lonely in the world, because you can't talk about what you experience without someone else downplaying yourself. Or some type of lecture, infantilizing you. And believe me, I had enough of being treated like I do not comprehend things of the world. 

I will do what I must for myself, amongst other things. I am hoping this will increase my blood work levels, and I can thrive a lot better out in the world. Because iron deficiency is no joke! I often, feel like I can't function for very long. 

I often wonder how I did it when I worked retail?

I was always so light headed, or as if I will tilt over. I am glad I never did come across anything like passing out or fainting. Ah not to mention, waking up in the middle of the night because my Spo2 drops. Which also gets downplayed whenever I share that, "Oh that's normal that your oxygen drops!" Okay.... but for someone lacking iron, that could be concerning! Because, either you get mild stops of breathing, or your brain jolts you to wake because you dropped too low in range. Then before you know it you wonder if you have sleep apena, but you want to prevent that by working on your iron levels. 

Such a double sided sword type of deal! We are also told, to keep active, but the low iron levels make you feel light headed as if you need to sit down. Anxiety increases, and before you know it you just don't want to leave your house ( and I already deal with neurodivergency sensory issues ). 

In any event, pleasant tidings to those working on their health! I wish you all the better, and I hope I get there too.

Ending the year

On a good note! I have been thankful all year, because I know it has been difficult. 

I lost my job, I had to adjust to the summer weather, and boy it was summer more than usual in California! There were a couple of things I had to endure that summer but I managed to get through it. 

It's December , that too came and it's still going. For Christmas, I received a Space Atlas book. I absolutely enjoyed that book, by National Geographic. I also received a cute celestial journal, and other lovely stuff from my dearest friend Mely ♡

The 🌌 Universe will always provide, whether it be health or future tidings.

Softer black-A universe

 I am still searching for work. It is true I have a "job" but it goes to entire rent, and it makes me a little miserable. But sometimes you have to do that in order to survive, and I do it to help my parents-As they do not have income themselves. Sometimes I hate how the world works on this concept, we were all born into a world where we think we will graduate from highschool, go to college, and have our own life.

Well mine never went like that. It all made more sense to me, when I actually finished college. You can't get anywhere with a degree unless you had connections, something I failed to have-a [i]network[/i]. It was just me and the hopes someone advocated for me, so I can enter a space to prove my worth. People will quote you on experience, or official backgrounds-but not all of us have those things, we may have those talents! But not on paper. 

I am great with office type of work, data entry, but some places need to see it on paper. Which I do not have, and you can try to wedge in your experiences as most retail jobs do data entry like digital shopping ( a department I was from ). Yet, most companies won't even cut you slack for utilizing those skills, in spaces like retail-most companies look for other competitor spaces. 

Life seemed dimmed for a time being, and along the way I begin to lose belief in myself. AI had taken control of applications, so my job hunt has became even more so aloof. I cannot compete with others, or the technology anymore. Even in my art passions. Not even basic retail chains, will take me in-because of the over qualifications. If you were paid more at a competitor, and had leaderships-They will see that as a "Oh, we don't want them to ask for more here, or think they can climb corporate ladders here." Yet, I still smile. Because something, or someone gots to give. 

I think that is why even though I like my goth aesthetics, I started to dip into astrology aesthetics. Because often, I feel different from other people, and the world itself. 

I like space, for this reason.

🌌 You can be up there, and no one will notice you-judge you, misunderstand you. You can just be still. It is beautiful, vivid full of colors, and elements! Yet still its all wonderful. We don't judge it, we want to learn more about it. I envy space. I wish we treat each other with curiosity, and love-than indifference.

I will always love the color black, and feel the need to clad myself in it. But perhaps, I want to become softer in my heart. I got tired of masking myself to fit in norms, in the end.... I just want to be myself. 

Love out loud, like people out loud, and not be afraid to be bold. 

I am not afraid to try, because I don't want to lose out on opportunities. 

We have this one life, and I am just a spec in the universe-blessed with freewill.

I can in the very least, be bold.

So! One of the new aesthetics I see myself doing, is maintain my love for mysterious black, but also adorn myself in galaxy celestial items. 

its spiritually, liberating 💜 well that, and therapy.

I love my therapist, she helps me build on interpersonal spaces-understand why I move the way I move, or feel the way I feel. I spent my whole life being told I care too much, cling too much. I do not regret how things happened in my life, it all led me to this point. All of it brought me to a space where I met new people, and tried new things. 

🌕Who am I, if I am not to continously have a phase of my own?

🌖If I am to stay still all the time, maybe that is not the goal... but to always move.

🌑Until you feel whole again, or when you need to just hide for a while.

🌙So that when you do show yourself, you naturally gravitate torwards things you love-just like others to you.

🌓Sharing amongst each other is the wonderful thing we can do as people. Like two sides of a moon.

🌝 Then just like the phases you become, you also share phases with others. 

🌃Thats what ultimately makes the galaxy so wonderful right? Because down here on earth, we too have a system of people, nature, life cycles. 

I want to never stop believing in myself. 

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

change is good

My sister April got me this celestial galaxy journal! 

It is simply lovely, and one of the reasons I wanted a new journal was to start new.

I have been trying new methods of mindfulness, because you know…. It’s so easy to lose faith in everything you tried so hard to build from the ground up. 

But, something I realize while doing new things this much (therapy,exposure):

Change is good.

If we remain the same, how do we dare to ask for hope?

There is never hope, if we are stagnant. 

I lived a life thinking there was nothing more to my existence than just being burnt out, and praying for my struggle to get better. All I did was spiral, and felt negative thoughts. I know people speak about toxic positivity. Yet, the context of that is simply “Seek positivity, but do not delude yourself in only positivity.” 

Because to be human, is to feel all emotions.

You can be anyone who you want, even with limitations which are commonly present in mental health’s communities. It’s so easily to lose hope after all,  the way we feel—But, we do have free will. All it takes is to just put one foot forward, and seek out that hope;because, hope will bring us somewhere. Whether, to a doctor, therapist, or maybe we finally land that job! 

I currently hope. And is that so wrong to just do that? 

I use to just lay in my bed crying myself to sleep, thinking I will never amount to anything. 

Or, I will never do what other people do, because of anxiety? Sensory? But, I would be darned if I didn’t try at least! I enjoy films of heroics, like Lord of the rings but do not feel inspired by them? Couldn’t I, like a mere Hobbit be capable of bigger things too? Silly I know, but it’s something! I always believed media such as that weren’t simply made to just be enjoyed, but to be inspired as well.

So I reaffirm myself, change is good.

Even if it meant losing my job. Maybe its life’s way of making me remember 

“You are more than your thoughts, how you feel.”

Health, mental health, body, mind, spirit… yeah you name it. 

Lots of people in this world, endure such things with themselves….

I shouldn’t have forgotten my inner strength. Gotta keep moving, and believing whatever is meant for me is waiting for me. Unraveling, I just need to believe in it. Placing my own effort into the universe, not deny its presence. 

Possible diagnosis of Agoraphobia?

 Now, I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of days, and she referred me to a specialist regarding autism. However, as nice as he is -he insisted that there is a probable cause for agoraphobia. I decided to let him talk about why, and how he believes my struggles are internalized agoraphobia.

But it didn't just sit well with me? Here's why...

In my early twenties I did experience agoraphobia due to heightened anxiety.

Agoraphobia is literally the sensation of fear, and not wanting to leave your safe space which is your home. Being, in a place would drive you crazy to the point of fearing those spaces, and the need to escape those places. 

One of the reasons, why I did not sit well with that probably diagnosis is because I spent the rest of my adult life working in retail. I have been in many spaces where I did not fear to leave those spaces, nor was it ever crossing my mind that it felt like I had to leave. 

Now the way he explained it is that all of what I was experiencing sounds like classic agoraphobia. I was willing to hear him out, and be open to discovery regarding that probable diagnosis. But, isn't fear amongst the sensations of agoraphobia?

To further explain, I do not experience fear. More like sensory, and dread. Simply because places like indoor malls, make me perceive little details and it becomes overwhelming. But not to the state of fear, but to the state of "I have to leave, because I am over stimulated." 

I think that is why lots of professionals want to lean towards just anxiety. There might be some situations where a person goes and head out to do their errands just fine-Yet, anxiety peeks in causing them to feel over-whelmed. Yet, I do not feel its necessarily agoraphobia. I am able to leave my home.

However, I feel agoraphobia on any level has a list that entails, avoidance period. Because, it is crippling to the point you don't want to leave your house, and you start off with apprehension from the door to being outside. Which is very much how I felt like when, I indeed had agoraphobia. 

These days I don't feel that because ending college days;and, entering the work world I created a routine for myself. I can vibe almost anywhere. A job, a restaurant, and even the dreaded indoor malls. My only concern of sensations that I feel, is just the stimulation. The way the floor glares, the windows glares, the temperature, hearing so many sounds all at once such as the stores as well as the people. 

I do not know where to go from here, but I will remain on the path to see what the professionals suggest into a conclusion. I guess, this professional based on what I told him on one session he feels it is agoraphobia, avoidance, and anxiety. But it doesn't sound like me, because I had existed in chaotic spaces for a very long time. And I never the felt the urge to leave those environment's, but rather I get burnt out.

Until, next time.

Communication Skills

 No not the ones you put on your resume, but I am talking about interpersonal skills related to communication skills.

You see, we desire communication, but do we adhere to it?

One of the things I am passionate about is the courtesy within communication. For example, we are all up for open communication, and it leaves you with a healthy boundary as well as growth going forward into the relationship. 

Some courtesy calls:

• If you are to open up some confrontation ( you know politely ) it is wise to stay within the conversation of addressing the items within your topics. Do not dip out of conversation.
• This happens often both offline and online. Online, you can write someone and often it feels like a bomb dropped on you right? And this is often why people do not like confrontation, but at some point, we all have to learn how to be listeners. 
• Indeed, while we can be great listeners there is always that struggle where the other end might drop said bomb of valuable information. You are all up for making things right again and affirm your assurances with your bond. However, the other end just dips out of the conversation, and you are stuck there waiting apprehensively. Another, emotion to regulate is having patience. It is true nobody likes waiting on others, especially in conversations this dire. But it is common courtesy:
• When you wish to address something as dire as things you experience you wish to hash out with another, make time where you can enter a conversation. By doing so, you can focus on bonding with the other person and figuring things out. 
• If you need to leave the conversation, its always assuring to let the person you know that you are going to be away for a bit. Or, estimate when you can get to the message, or the conversation itself. That way, no one is hanging by a thread and wondering anxiously what is happening.

• Accountability.
• For some reason even in today's awareness of communication styles, this is often still overlooked. There is absolutely nothing wrong for taking accountability. In fact, it is highly encouraged! You can never go wrong, when you take accountability. Because once you so, not only you will feel better about yourself because there are no looming feelings around. But also, you are becoming bigger in your growth journey, and you have established trust not only with yourself to do the right thing-but also with your bond. 
• Accountability isn't accusations though. Nor, should we address things with accusations or assumptions. Those are not accountabilities. At that point, that is just drama being stirred in the ol' pot, and it goes absolutely no where. It happens! Sometimes, a person will be insecure about their feelings or where they stand with others, but that is a personal problem to be worked on. Because it is not fair to address someone in a matter, where they are forced to be dealt with the emotional affliction that they are giving. No one deserves to be the end of being dealt with accusations. Those never go anywhere. Its important to work on your inner mental health, as you on in life.

Those are the two brands of communication, and I am sure there are others!

I know I am not perfect myself, sometimes it's hard for me to be patient with others when being on the receive end of waiting to hear from others. But luckily for me, I haven't such enduring trials. 

I like to think all of my bonds, are healthy, and I am able to feel safe with anything spoken to me.

And that's how bonds should be. Of course, naturally it won't always be. I know that personally, but as long as you can do your part to explain your place as well as your knowledge you will be fine. 

Just remember you can only do your part, and that's all you can do. But you must not be the only one trying to reach out either. 

Pleasant, vibing!

Job hunt woes

Perhaps you were like me where you grew up in high schools where they talk about job hunting, and how most require experience in order to apply. 

The dreaded, 

"How do I get experience if I am not given experience?"

I still wonder about that to this day!

After, I graduated from high school even with their internship program, they never really explained how to achieve experience other than to pursue jobs--put your foot in the door (type of lectures). But that never really struck well with me, even with a polished resume from my professors themselves.

As of right now I am struggling to find work when it comes to remote jobs. Naturally, I applied and inquired about my old job. But it seems as if they are already done with their hiring season, perhaps I will have better luck next year when the holidays are finished. Though, I feel like I will still struggle. 

As far as applications online, I did apply to several of jobs--was even rejected by one of them.

Perhaps I am overqualified? I know how to do a lot of retail stuff, excluding cash registers. I spent my time as a stocker, or personal shopper. Someone that spent a lot of time dispensing orders outside, loading totes onto a dolly then into their cars. I also dallied with phone etiquette stuff, you know... the taking of phone calls, and delegating upset customers. I always made things right, when it came to those type of situations. 

I know most jobs I applied at off, a mere $16.00 hourly pay rate, which is one dollar less than what I am used to getting paid for. And maybe most companies, want a younger demographic-I am not young like I use to be. Plus, sometimes I feel like if you know how to do something too much, maybe some recruiters fear you might ask for more pay? I mean, I don't mind getting paid as everyone else. Walmart, was a high competitor true, but I truly don't mind getting paid in a non-competitive wage. 

Everything seems hopeless right now, because it feels like I am new to the work force all over again. It has been seven months, and I do feel shy from the work world now. I have been working as a live in caregiver, and while it will not conflict with any company-I feel like, I am just rusty in the retail world now. 

But like most things, once I get the hang of something I can excel at it!

I hope someone gives me a chance, out there. I really want to try:

• Data Entry
• Customer Client Chat (customer support)

I feel like those jobs will be a fair chance to try, and I would excel at them! I just need to learn, and then I will be able to do it. 

I could dream can't I?

Could I possibly manifest these dreams? We shall see, I always wanted to try remote work where I can utilize my enjoyment for computers, and writing. Not to mention hospitality!

Why I like space

 The reasons I like space, galaxies, or celestial themes:

• The universe is a mystery quite like myself. I always want to learn more about myself, there are many things about myself that are undiscovered.
• The solar system is beautiful, and regarded as such! Even in all its looming darkness, turbulent weather, and pondering existence… it is still all by itself beautiful. It doesn’t have to try. It doesn’t have to be anyone or anything, it just is. 

I would close my eyes and imagine all of its vibrant colors of violet, blue, green…whatever else the wonderful solar system reveals to us. I’d just imagine myself just floating, and I feel a tranquil. Just like mentioned earlier, I wouldn’t have to try at being anyone or anything. I can just be myself, and there would be no problems whatsoever. No judgement, no demands, not misunderstood. Just me, floating, speculating the beauty up in the far away space. 

Naturally I had always liked space, but I was never this loud about it. Its about time, I hyper-fixated on it too. I think it started when I was watching Loki, and then all of the visual effects when they are in the multiverse just sparked a core memory of mine. 

I remember when I was young, I was in this space theater. It was dark, yet vivid with so much color! Just on these screens that mimic’d the galaxy. I always thought to myself, how wonderfully mesmerizing it was. How I could just get lost in all of the visuals. 

Then I came back to the now, and thought to myself… “I should rekindle my love for space again.” And I did! I started out by purchasing this inexpensive phone case:

_

Its a transparent phone case, on white phone ( sort of wished it was black! Would have been cool ).

Then I bought an inexpensive comforter:

My wall scroll is the tree of life, when I was formerly fixating on the purple and teal color scheme. I was doing a very fairy theme. But, I love the space theme more. I have my sister as a room mate now, she loves the wall tapestry. I might shimmy it to her side more. So I can eventually get me a tapestry that matches my bed, and my interests right now. 

I know, I know… I have been asked, “What if your interests change?” Well like the seasons, they do. However, space is dominating. I love astrology. 

My love for fairies, dragons, will always stay. Those interests tend to be more on my dresser. 

So alas, I just love space! I hope to go to a space museum again one day. 

Literally

 I think commonly when it comes to neurodivergence, there are delayed responses. 

For example, things like sarcasm can be personal, and I won’t register as an offense but mostly a type of….”What are you doing, and why would you even say it like that?”

I take things quite literal. Let’s talk about it.

I know you done try'n

 There is that inner child within me, that loves to share; however, in today's society people are closed off, and it makes a person like me that is full of spark have their shine dull. We are often called naive.

So, let’s talk about being neurodivergent, in a society full of closed off minds.